Cravings

There are times in each of our lives when things just don't work out the way they should. The thing that I have desired year after year seems to just simmer with every second until I have had enough and have boiled over with tears, due to its absence.  All I want is the person who will be there for me. The one that loves me for me. The one that will hold me in their arms just so I can feel safe. I want that special someone that will listen to me, that will always hold it down even though they know the wrongs, rights, imperfections and tragedies about me.  I want the kind of person that won't kiss me, unless these a good reason, that way a kiss will be something special not something commonly given between the two of us. I want the kind of lover that can see my tears,  and their only reaction be the words I love you. I don't want the kind of lover that apologizes for every little fight or argument, or even miss conception we have. I want the kind of partner that will go to the end with me. The kind that brings me back to a place where love is pure. I want the type that will hug me from behind, only to see whether they've scared me or not. I want the one I can talk to as I please. I want the one that likes to go on walks. I want the one who spends time thinking about our future. I want the one that will put a ring on my finger even though we are not married. I want the type of significant other that will be childish with me, the one who will dance in the rain with me and not regret a thing when we're sick. I want the kind of lover who isn't afraid to tell me that I look far from gorgeous in the morning. I want the type that makes me laugh so hard that I cry. Bottom line is I want the one who loves me for me , the one who's  only regret would be dying after me because they couldn't bare to see me gone. THIS IS WHAT I WANT, I JUST WANT SOMEONE THAT IS TRUE.
 

As a woman I should give..part 2 (end)

If there is one thing that I have learned this year, I would say it was this very  small but clear message; even the people you trust, love, and care for the most...well they may very well be the ones to put you down, and act as if you are nothing but thin, crisp air. For the past three years of my life, I was devoted to one particular cause. I wasn't weird or obsessive or anything of those sorts, Simply I was in love. Three years of my life wasted, incomplete. Is it right for someone to decide that it is okay, for them to lie to you, day after day, year after year? I'm not sure how to answer that myself. How could you continuously lie for so long. If you never truly gave a simple care in the world, why hold on to me for so long. I thought he  he love me, cared for me, even claimed he wanted to marry me, though your actions clearly speak louder than words. Though time after time, I've sacrificed so much, and for what, heartache, tears, and pain that lingers in the back of my mind, that travels through the tears in my eyes. Though as I can see you never took this into consideration. Maybe you do love me, but your just to insecure, immature, and senseless to embrace this. One day you'll get it, I'm talking about the fact that I'm safe in someone's arms other than yours and the simple fact the karma will give you back every little lie you ever spun, every bit of pain that was afflicted upon me because of you, surly you get the point. I personally ache for you to feel like you have nothing but the smog in the air left to your name but instead I say so long, farewell, and when the time comes you'll understand more than the words that I breathe.....

A Fatherless Child

In all honesty it had never occurred to me how hard and miserable life is without a father. I have grown very distant from my dad, because of bad choices, rumors, and just purely out of bitterness towards him. I've decide he isn't of much importance to me any longer. Yet having a conversation with a fellow my age, it seemed rather unearthed for anyone to  feel so strongly about anything. He showed pain, hope, lust, and deep desperation for a father. Begging for people not to bring  a child into the world with out a father. It made me realize how much I truly love my own dad. How much the absence of Love from a parent can affect a child. The pain in that boys eyes, was the same kind of pain you see in a person eyes, when a mother or grandmother dies. It was sad, I had to fight my tears. If I could give him truth, and the love he deserves from a father, I would. The only thing there is to do, Is to love him. My question is, how can a Man sit there, knowing he has a child, a son or a daughter, and not care enough to be an influence in their lives. How can a Man sit on his ass, and not have any love for his child, any respect, for the mother, any respect for himself.  I'm lucky to have both my parents, and for all  of you who are going through this, your not the only one, I understand to an extent. God bless the Youth.

Clear Vision

Suddenly I realize that I should no longer have to try so hard to find love. Love seems to find people in mysterious ways. I have been so lost and unaware of what has been under my nose for so long. I can't believe how amazingly parasitic love can actually be. It's one of those things that are simply mind boggling. I feel safe and secure where I'm at...Closer to my new beginning is what I had been in need of thee entire time.

As a woman I should give myself more credit pt 1

Over the course of three years, I thought I had something that my mind is slowly bringing to light wasn't really there. I love my on again off again thing, sure it works, I thought I was happy, thought I was okay with what was going on, thought the distance between us would never be a problem. The only thing that hasn't changed is the love I have for him. I'm pretty sure that this love will always be carried with me no matter the circumstance. I don't even know how I've been so strong, I mean with all the time that has passed, all the issues, and circumstances, all I can say is wow! For the first time in three years he actually made me shed tears. It wasn't really anything in particular that  made me cry, wasn't even something he hadn't already done. He made me cry because after every little thing he does, whether good or bad, I had never cried. Sure I admit I have been gracious, because you can all assume and assume right. There were definitely times where I was super mad, or incredibly disappointed. Still I never cried. It's  just that with all the recent drama, I had recalled all our moments from day one I guess I was just reflecting on us, on life,  and well I cried because I actually loved him, it never occurred to me that my love for him was deep. Sadly with all the recent events, something in my mind clicked, does he really love you like he say he does. Statics say no, but I fight to believe otherwise. 

Celebrity Bullying

Celebrity bullying, what is it? It's just regular bullying like verbal, physical, and cyber abuse. Yeah that's right celebrities get bullied too. Except when it happens to them it's a lot worse because they become publicized for every little mistake, sometimes escalating it to a  world wide bullying event. Yet in many of your eyes it's what they deserve, then  they are all sluts, druggies, and non talented. Do you realize that despite their fame they are certainly still someones child and I can assure you they have normal feelings too. So how and why is it illegal to bully, but the paparazzi get paid to do such a thing. what sense does America make????? Lindsay Lohan, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber seem to be the most targeted lately. I think paparazzi should be banned or bullying shouldn't be illegal cause right now this is just one gigantic contradiction. Don't get me wrong I am against bullying, I'm just saying It's either legal or Illegal there shouldn't be exceptions such as paparazzi.

Him

Is it possible , that I am really that wrapped up in his (our) love that it's hard to see clearly. It's like I'm trapped in a devastating whirlpool, fighting for air. I'm a victim of love, and suffering from several blows to the heart. They say"all is fair in love and war" What they failed to imply was that love is war. So it is here and now that I find myself engaged in combat, my heart exposed, and not realizing the potential threat that I have brought forth. I don't know what it is about my significant other, after all we are always on and off again, this has been the case for quite some time now. It's like when I'm with him I have to make sure that he knows, I am not permanent that way he will not take me for granted. It works though because he never has. I hate  being without him, it drives me crazy, especially when he has semi moved on and another chick has "artificial" claim on his heart. ( I want him back phase)We have a certain bond that at times I can't seem to understand. We've never had any kind of sex with  one another, so that's not the reason why we stay together. It's something I can't comprehend. The fact that he takes a few minutes in the morning to say good morning and good night, well I'd assume that would make anyone in a relationship crack a smile. He listens to all my crap, he never judges me, even knowing my past, and everything prior to him, he still "appears" to love me for me. He could be the one that I've been waiting for my entire life, but only God knows. I love what we have,whatever that is, I'm still unsure at times <3                                                                                 

God Bless America (Boston)

As Many people have heard whether by news, email, call/text, or air hustling, Boston let alone America has been threatened. This incident, still not specified as domestic or as a terrorist attack was rather brutal and by all means sends the same questionable fear through all Americans. What's next? Is this someone who just really hates the government? Could this be a terrorist attack? If I send my child out,how can I know he/she will be safe, more or less come home? There were three treacherous bombs that went off, in a synchronized evil that left three of our own Americans dead and one hundred and forty, possibly more left fighting for their lives. Medicaid should get a kick out of this. More so my sympathy and empathy goes out to all families, friends, associates, and loved ones who have to cope with their loved ones fighting for their lives. Especially since there has yet to be a name or even a  person, and or country to blame for this. How many more people have to suffer from random shootings and bombings before America/ Obama step the hell up and take real actions. Someone commits murder (especially if there of non-white citizens) they are found, hunted down even and prosecuted before the week is out. Or those other dumb crimes like auto-theft and robberies, the united states is all over that. Sadly when it comes to the serious stuff, well sometimes the government/law needs a big kick to the rear!!!! As American Citizens we have the right to be mad, we have the right to want better protection, the right to call a reformation to ensure that people from left to right can walk from home to the local corner store without being shot down or bombed off the face of the earth. God bless America, because she has fallen so deep into her own beliefs that she is slowly slipping through her own cracks... To Boston, remember this day, because it has fallen hard upon you...surely pain and sorrow will dwell upon you, but you are strong and will see your way to the future. The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave..a motto America needs to Live up to!!!!!!!!!! :)

Boo Thang (;

It's clear that a lot of us have that special something, you know that non official thing. I trust you know what I'm referring to, that little bit of happiness on the side a.k.a your "buddy." That person  could be labeled as your baby but in stead it's your "Boo Thang." We all know that person we text late at night, yeah that typical I want you now "convo".  I just had to ask myself why would a "boo thang" be necessary. Well in my opinion we have them simply because if crap happens we still have that person to call and cuddle with, that person to text/sext, or simply someone to talk to. Sometimes "boo thangs" can just be a "Fun Buddy" don't think to hard on that. A "boo thang" is where the feelings are mutual but not serious. That's the truth. Take my experience for example. We don't talk everyday, sure every now and then we have super long conversations about absolutely nothing. Yeah we exchange pics every now and then (not necessarily pornographic)Sure we chill on the weekends, and maybe just maybe we like to do things behind closed doors if you know what I mean, but still we aren't in love. It's just common desire and a slight friendship that we share. If you are constantly thinking and craving that person who is supposed to be your "boo thang" then you are in to deep, get out why you can cause feelings and this don't mix. Definition of a "boo thang" someone who your cool with, screw around with, chill with, but at the end of the day they're just another one in your contact list </3

Her name was "Tabby"

We all have that stage in out lives where we come across a "Tabby". Tabby was my best-friend, we did crazy stuff together. You know stuff you don't tell your mom or your "out of the circle" people. We had great times, we used to pull pranks on people, go crazy for chocolate, get high, talk crap about life and people like we might actually know something. Oh and that time she poured cold water into the shower, and don't get me started on when it was apple sauce instead of cold water. You know about "Tabby" that BFF that you will die for in an instant, the BFF you would do crazy things with even though you knew they were causing harm to the both of you. "Tabby" are the ones you make promises to and break them without any intention. A "Tabby" is the BFF you share you most intimate secrets with.It's sad to say that we all lose a "Tabby" or two in our life time. Tabby once told me where-ever your head is that's where your heart belongs. Well I believe that with all my heart. "Tabby" is the one BFF that you never stop loving, because your friendship ran so deep it felt as if you were both joined by an invisible trickle of blood lingering beneath the fingertips. A "Tabby" is the BFF who won't listen after you screw up cause that same "Tabby" had trust issues that ran deeper than you could have ever imagined. That "Tabby" will be the reason you chose to do right in your life. Yet remember that "Tabby" is always in the rhythm of your heart.

Waiting for what, a slap in the face...I am willing to lend a hand

Waiting is a form of patience. Which leaves your mind a slave to anxiety. Trapped deep inside your mind. Compelled by the words you've been yielding to say. Go ahead deny the heart what it wants. Cause truth always reveals itself, for it is never lost. Debating won't save you any time. The guilt  will just grow and become more immense. Though it seems you are very patient. You hold back for what reason. The clock seems to tick at twice the speed. your heart races, a beat incredibly unique. I'll leave you to suffer. Though the longer you wait, you'll just end up finding fate. So in this case waiting is a grave stricken mistake.  
-Yours Truly-
What is the point in waiting. Why wait until the last minute to spill all the mind blowing truth that has been smothering us for God knows how long. Eventually all things come to light. How about this... We all need to grow a pair, no not those I'm talking about courage and Strength, if we can develop these within certain equality...then what's to stop you form asking the special someone out. Or putting that life cringing essence behind you for once and for all. Why wait to pursue dreams unheard of. Forget all that old school voodoo knowledge about following the path of society. Don't just think outside the box, become the space outside the box. Let it consume you. create something unheard of, remember life is truly what you make it.

I love you babe, the lies we tell :(

So it's been about three days and well I think I'm in love. I have the best boyfriend/girlfriend in the world. He/She broke my heart, all the memories we shared, all those times are skin touched, that was the worst thirty-minutes  of my life. This is the damned problem with relationships today. How most start and how most end.  Ask yourself what was the point. Stop spreading the four-word lie...I love you babe. Have you met the family. Do you know what they really see in you, are you completely comfortable around them. Pshh, what's  their last name. Oh but I thought You "loved your babe" so why is it that you can't tell me the basics like a favorite color? All you love drunk people in the world need to wake up and smell the odor of  stupidity building up in your body! Who could conceive the fact that,love is making people shed blood, pull their hair out, live the rest of life strung out, losing their innocence and looking for a replacement that matches everything they felt before. How many people are truly okay with the fact that your thirteen year olds are pregnant or have gotten someone pregnant because they were  quote, unquote "in love". Is it really okay that "I love you babe" means: I have to be okay with the disease he/she gave me...it's okay because we were "in love" are "in love" (right), the answer is hell no. "Being in love isn't an excuse to be seventeen with your fourth child on the way. (believe it happens) Not an excuse for the guy/chick that can go to jail because they are too old to have sex with me but it's okay. (right) I'll just tell them we were in love and everything will be okay. I think NOT!!!!!!!!!!!! Bottom line "I love you babe" is very dangerous, it's a whole new level of gateway drugs. Be smart about it, don't end up, in a nuthouse because you went razor happy when you got hurt, or don't be in need of government assistance( some people might need extra gov. asst) to take care of a baby when your childhood really just started, Don't put your life on the line for someone who sent you a text saying" I love You babe" because you really don't know if it was sent by accident but can be justified because after all he/she is supposed to be with you right??? Don't misplace your judgement. I can assure you, "I love you babe" will try it's best to break you down and leave you like a drunk driver leaves it's caution  behind because it was just a few drinks with friends!!!!!!

That moment when your like...really o_0

Idiocy seems to be America's pleasure. I mean we all know the "yes and no" of society, (right) so why do we do the things we do. The best way to simplify this answer is with the word Idiocy. What better explanation can we give, for such immature and pointless things people so helplessly do on a day to day basis. Chatting it up with a few friends, we stumbled onto a topic that could last forever. "what bothers you"? well some would say the bull that comes with technology, or annoying people. Yet the most hilarious response was, "when females tell you to come over cause they horny, but really they just want to chill". (D.W) Sadly I'm not talking about the things that irk society, I'm speaking out about  what screws societies principles up. Like the "Condom Challenge" one quick snort, can be one quick trip to the hospital. How about shows like "Ridiculousness" what the hell makes people do those things, how many people on those videos actually lived long lives. Or take old news like "Amber Cole" for example, sure we are all going to be a little freaky at times but honestly, where is a brain when you need one!!! I mean sure "Kim Kardashian" became famous for basically being dumb and letting her business float all over cyberspace. I'm just saying (screaming) It' s no longer the land of the free it's the land of the idiots!