Cravings

There are times in each of our lives when things just don't work out the way they should. The thing that I have desired year after year seems to just simmer with every second until I have had enough and have boiled over with tears, due to its absence.  All I want is the person who will be there for me. The one that loves me for me. The one that will hold me in their arms just so I can feel safe. I want that special someone that will listen to me, that will always hold it down even though they know the wrongs, rights, imperfections and tragedies about me.  I want the kind of person that won't kiss me, unless these a good reason, that way a kiss will be something special not something commonly given between the two of us. I want the kind of lover that can see my tears,  and their only reaction be the words I love you. I don't want the kind of lover that apologizes for every little fight or argument, or even miss conception we have. I want the kind of partner that will go to the end with me. The kind that brings me back to a place where love is pure. I want the type that will hug me from behind, only to see whether they've scared me or not. I want the one I can talk to as I please. I want the one that likes to go on walks. I want the one who spends time thinking about our future. I want the one that will put a ring on my finger even though we are not married. I want the type of significant other that will be childish with me, the one who will dance in the rain with me and not regret a thing when we're sick. I want the kind of lover who isn't afraid to tell me that I look far from gorgeous in the morning. I want the type that makes me laugh so hard that I cry. Bottom line is I want the one who loves me for me , the one who's  only regret would be dying after me because they couldn't bare to see me gone. THIS IS WHAT I WANT, I JUST WANT SOMEONE THAT IS TRUE.
 

As a woman I should give..part 2 (end)

If there is one thing that I have learned this year, I would say it was this very  small but clear message; even the people you trust, love, and care for the most...well they may very well be the ones to put you down, and act as if you are nothing but thin, crisp air. For the past three years of my life, I was devoted to one particular cause. I wasn't weird or obsessive or anything of those sorts, Simply I was in love. Three years of my life wasted, incomplete. Is it right for someone to decide that it is okay, for them to lie to you, day after day, year after year? I'm not sure how to answer that myself. How could you continuously lie for so long. If you never truly gave a simple care in the world, why hold on to me for so long. I thought he  he love me, cared for me, even claimed he wanted to marry me, though your actions clearly speak louder than words. Though time after time, I've sacrificed so much, and for what, heartache, tears, and pain that lingers in the back of my mind, that travels through the tears in my eyes. Though as I can see you never took this into consideration. Maybe you do love me, but your just to insecure, immature, and senseless to embrace this. One day you'll get it, I'm talking about the fact that I'm safe in someone's arms other than yours and the simple fact the karma will give you back every little lie you ever spun, every bit of pain that was afflicted upon me because of you, surly you get the point. I personally ache for you to feel like you have nothing but the smog in the air left to your name but instead I say so long, farewell, and when the time comes you'll understand more than the words that I breathe.....

A Fatherless Child

In all honesty it had never occurred to me how hard and miserable life is without a father. I have grown very distant from my dad, because of bad choices, rumors, and just purely out of bitterness towards him. I've decide he isn't of much importance to me any longer. Yet having a conversation with a fellow my age, it seemed rather unearthed for anyone to  feel so strongly about anything. He showed pain, hope, lust, and deep desperation for a father. Begging for people not to bring  a child into the world with out a father. It made me realize how much I truly love my own dad. How much the absence of Love from a parent can affect a child. The pain in that boys eyes, was the same kind of pain you see in a person eyes, when a mother or grandmother dies. It was sad, I had to fight my tears. If I could give him truth, and the love he deserves from a father, I would. The only thing there is to do, Is to love him. My question is, how can a Man sit there, knowing he has a child, a son or a daughter, and not care enough to be an influence in their lives. How can a Man sit on his ass, and not have any love for his child, any respect, for the mother, any respect for himself.  I'm lucky to have both my parents, and for all  of you who are going through this, your not the only one, I understand to an extent. God bless the Youth.

Clear Vision

Suddenly I realize that I should no longer have to try so hard to find love. Love seems to find people in mysterious ways. I have been so lost and unaware of what has been under my nose for so long. I can't believe how amazingly parasitic love can actually be. It's one of those things that are simply mind boggling. I feel safe and secure where I'm at...Closer to my new beginning is what I had been in need of thee entire time.

As a woman I should give myself more credit pt 1

Over the course of three years, I thought I had something that my mind is slowly bringing to light wasn't really there. I love my on again off again thing, sure it works, I thought I was happy, thought I was okay with what was going on, thought the distance between us would never be a problem. The only thing that hasn't changed is the love I have for him. I'm pretty sure that this love will always be carried with me no matter the circumstance. I don't even know how I've been so strong, I mean with all the time that has passed, all the issues, and circumstances, all I can say is wow! For the first time in three years he actually made me shed tears. It wasn't really anything in particular that  made me cry, wasn't even something he hadn't already done. He made me cry because after every little thing he does, whether good or bad, I had never cried. Sure I admit I have been gracious, because you can all assume and assume right. There were definitely times where I was super mad, or incredibly disappointed. Still I never cried. It's  just that with all the recent drama, I had recalled all our moments from day one I guess I was just reflecting on us, on life,  and well I cried because I actually loved him, it never occurred to me that my love for him was deep. Sadly with all the recent events, something in my mind clicked, does he really love you like he say he does. Statics say no, but I fight to believe otherwise. 

Celebrity Bullying

Celebrity bullying, what is it? It's just regular bullying like verbal, physical, and cyber abuse. Yeah that's right celebrities get bullied too. Except when it happens to them it's a lot worse because they become publicized for every little mistake, sometimes escalating it to a  world wide bullying event. Yet in many of your eyes it's what they deserve, then  they are all sluts, druggies, and non talented. Do you realize that despite their fame they are certainly still someones child and I can assure you they have normal feelings too. So how and why is it illegal to bully, but the paparazzi get paid to do such a thing. what sense does America make????? Lindsay Lohan, Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber seem to be the most targeted lately. I think paparazzi should be banned or bullying shouldn't be illegal cause right now this is just one gigantic contradiction. Don't get me wrong I am against bullying, I'm just saying It's either legal or Illegal there shouldn't be exceptions such as paparazzi.

Him

Is it possible , that I am really that wrapped up in his (our) love that it's hard to see clearly. It's like I'm trapped in a devastating whirlpool, fighting for air. I'm a victim of love, and suffering from several blows to the heart. They say"all is fair in love and war" What they failed to imply was that love is war. So it is here and now that I find myself engaged in combat, my heart exposed, and not realizing the potential threat that I have brought forth. I don't know what it is about my significant other, after all we are always on and off again, this has been the case for quite some time now. It's like when I'm with him I have to make sure that he knows, I am not permanent that way he will not take me for granted. It works though because he never has. I hate  being without him, it drives me crazy, especially when he has semi moved on and another chick has "artificial" claim on his heart. ( I want him back phase)We have a certain bond that at times I can't seem to understand. We've never had any kind of sex with  one another, so that's not the reason why we stay together. It's something I can't comprehend. The fact that he takes a few minutes in the morning to say good morning and good night, well I'd assume that would make anyone in a relationship crack a smile. He listens to all my crap, he never judges me, even knowing my past, and everything prior to him, he still "appears" to love me for me. He could be the one that I've been waiting for my entire life, but only God knows. I love what we have,whatever that is, I'm still unsure at times <3